


Damaged

by heartsdesire456



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape Aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-05
Updated: 2012-06-05
Packaged: 2017-11-06 22:09:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/423818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartsdesire456/pseuds/heartsdesire456
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One night after rehearsal, Adam got a phonecall he had hoped to never receive. After Tommy's life is shaken by a brutal attack, Adam is left at a loss of how to care for his friend in his time of need.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damaged

**Author's Note:**

> So, I started working on this one a while ago but it died out around 3K. The other day I got a random urge to continue and I did. Now it's finished at ~14K and it's not as good as I could've hoped, but it's still something I'm happy with. I wanted to write a good H/C fic for a while!
> 
> Originally posted [here](http://heartsdesire456.livejournal.com/940635.html)

Adam had just got out of the shower when he found out something had happened.

Rehearsal had ran long and he had left last, just after Tommy and Ashley. He was surprised to hear his phone ringing at half past two in the morning. When he got to it and saw it was Isaac, he didn’t hesitate to answer it.

“I don’t know what happened, but Tommy’s in trouble,” was the first thing the drummer said. Before Adam could react, he continued. “He called me about half an hour ago, but I couldn’t understand him, I couldn’t understand what he was saying, he sounded drunk or something, and the call was going in and out, so I figured he was at a bar and calling me, so I didn’t get worried. But just now I got a call from a hospital. They just said something had happened and that I was the last number dialed and they were trying to reach a family member-“

“Oh God,” Adam gasped. “What the hell happened?!”

“They didn’t tell me,” Isaac admitted. “They stopped talking as soon as I said I wasn’t a relative. They told me they would call his mother and just hung up. I don’t know what’s going on, but you should call Dia. I don’t have her number, but if you call her and get any information, please call me back.”

Adam stood up shakily as he went to grab his jeans and shoes. “Yeah, sure. I’ll call you when I know something,” he said as he hung up. He found Dia’s contact and the put the phone on speaker and laid it down as he got dressed.

When Dia answered, he knew something was wrong. She was crying. “Adam!” she choked out and Adam felt his heart drop. “Oh God, Adam, my baby boy,” she sobbed and he felt his throat closing.

“Dia, what happened?! What’s wrong? Is Tommy okay?” he demanded, grabbing his keys as he hopped into his shoe. “What hospital?”

“He won’t stop crying,” she whimpered. “He- he won’t let me sit in the room with him because he’s so ashamed! He- he shouldn’t be ashamed, he needs his mother- I need to watch over him!” she sobbed.

“What happened?” he asked uneasily as he headed downstairs.

She just sobbed again. “I can’t- I can’t even-“ There was another wave of crying before she simply replied with the name of the hospital and where to find them before hanging up on Adam without so much as a ‘goodbye’.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Adam got to the hospital, Dia just nodded at the door she was sitting beside. They had brought her a chair, but she was just sitting outside the room crying. “Maybe he’ll let you in,” she whispered, looking absolutely broken.

Adam opened the door and walked in slowly, almost afraid of what he might see, since Tommy was alive and sounded alert, but was ashamed of whatever it was so he didn’t want his clearly distraught mother to be in the room with him. When he rounded the door and shut it behind him, he frowned at the sight that met him. Tommy was laid in a hospital bed with his back to the door. He scary thing, however, was that he was curled up in a ball. He was crying in a fetal position, looking tiny and fragile in a way Adam wasn’t used to. Sure, Tommy was a little guy, but he was one of the most fierce people Adam had ever met. Size be damned, he was never fragile.

“TommyJoe?” he said softly, only to jump when Tommy’s head jerked up.

“No!” he cried, covering his face suddenly. “Get out, Adam. Go away-“

“Oh no you don’t,” Adam chastised, walking around to stand on the other side, so he could see Tommy’s front. “What’s wrong, baby?” he asked softly. “Just… talk to me, okay?” He reached out to grab Tommy’s hand, only to nearly fall over when Tommy cried out and pulled away from him. “Tommy, you’re scaring me,” he whispered, fear filling him. “What’s wrong?! Nobody will tell me and I’m really getting scared. I thought you were dying, but now you look pretty alive but I don’t- I can’t figure out what’s wrong.” He shook his head. “You’re my best friend, TommyJoe. Please, stop this and just look at me,” he pleaded.

Tommy shook his head. “I don’t want anybody looking at me,” he choked out. 

Adam reached out to touch his hand again, barely brushing his fingers. However, he was pleasantly surprised when Tommy relaxed his fist some and, though he didn’t take Adam’s hand, he let Adam curl a few fingers into his palm. “Sweetheart?” he asked, carefully pulling Tommy’s hand from his face.

Tommy slowly, uneasily opened up a tiny bit, uncovering his face. Adam flinched when he saw the scratches on Tommy’s forehead, along his left temple near his hairline. “Ow, what happened, baby?” he asked, and Tommy opened his eyes. 

That was when Adam knew something was really wrong. His usually warm, happy brown eyes were empty, cold, and almost lifeless. “Adam,” Tommy whimpered, and Adam was surprised when Tommy shifted his hold and clung to Adam’s hand as he burst into tears.

At the sight of Tommy’s beautiful face crumpled in pain and becoming drenched with tears of anguish, Adam felt his own tears starting. “TommyJoe, what’s wrong? What is it? Are- are you okay?” he asked weakly.

Tommy just shook his head. “No,” he choked out. “I’m really not okay, Adam. Not at all,” he sobbed, clinging to Adam’s hand like it was a lifeline. “I’m- I’m so weak and- and if I was stronger, if I was better he wouldn’t have hurt me!” he choked out. “I’m such a fucking pussy. I’m so weak and tiny and- and I hate myself for being so little!” 

Adam screwed up his face. “What? What are you talking about TommyJoe?” he asked. “You love being little-“

“No I don’t! I hate it! I’m so worthlessly weak and-“ Adam shushed Tommy’s alarmingly frantic cries. “And if I was bigger- if I was stronger and not so weak then- then he wouldn’t have- he couldn’t hurt me!” he sobbed, nearly crushing Adam’s hand in his grip.

Adam shook his head. “Who? Who was it and what happened?” he asked, looking at the scrapes. It looked like someone had maybe shoved Tommy. He suddenly felt a wave of realization. Someone had beat him up. Possibly mugged him. “Aww baby-“ His start, however was cut off as Tommy looked up at him through his tears and answered his question.

“He- he touched me,” he whispered, looking afraid. Adam felt his heart drop to his feet. His stomach began to twist as Tommy spoke again, crying the whole time. “A- A man he- he attacked me. He- he pushed me down and he-“ Tommy let out a choked sob, chin wobbling as he looked into Adam’s eyes and spoke the words Adam feared the most. “He raped me.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam sat with Tommy until he fell asleep before walking out. When he got outside, Dia looked up at him. He just sat down beside her heavily, staring at the floor. “Holy shit.”

Dia sniffled and shook her head, eyes clenched shut. “Did he- could you get him to talk? I guess since you were there so long-“

Adam nodded. “He told me… well, he said what happened. I didn’t get any kind of explanation, but… I got the idea,” he said softly. “He was crying and it came out.” He shook his head. “Did- were the police called? Did anybody get a look at who did it?” he asked.

She sighed. “Tommy wouldn’t talk to them. He refused and they said they would send somebody back tomorrow.”

Adam just sighed. “Other than the obvious fact of what happened, how is he physically? I mean, his face looked rough where it was cut up, but I mean… no broken bones or anything?” he asked.

She shook her head. “I thought he had been mugged or something, but they told me his only _real_ injury was where his head was scraped up. He didn’t talk but they said he probably got either hit over the head or shoved into something.” She whimpered. “Fuck, my _baby_.”

Adam just shook his head. “God, just… how does- I don’t get it,” he admitted. “Tommy’s smarter than to go somewhere he shouldn’t be, he’s a scrappy little bitch, I’ve seen him try to pick fights with men twice his size, and he wasn’t drinking… how did something like this happen to him?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. I just… he isn’t a kid, he’s a nearly middle-aged man who knows how to not get in trouble at night. He’s lived in a city his whole life.”

Adam flinched. “I guess you just never know,” he said weakly.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Then next morning when Isaac showed up, after Adam left him a message the night before, nobody was sure how Tommy would be. The doctor had told Dia he was going to be okay to go home after they did one last check general checkup. He had suffered a blow to the head, after all. Adam was talking to Isaac about what they would do about postponing the start of tour for a little while. It was only a week before they were meant to start full on touring and Adam refused to force Tommy to either go on tour before he was ready or sit out a tour he had been so excited for. It all came down to how Tommy was feeling.

They were surprised, however, when the doctor didn’t come out into the waiting room alone. Tommy was wearing a set of clothes that were a little big on him, but otherwise, he looked alright, other than ugly scrapes along his forehead. Dia gasped. “Sweetheart!” she said, walking over. Adam held his breath as she stepped in to hug Tommy, only to see Tommy barely flinch before hugging her. “How are you, baby?”

Tommy smiled weakly. “I’m okay, mom,” he said, then looked up. He gave Adam and Isaac a smile. “I was hoping I would see you, Isaac,” he said, walking over. “Man, I’m really sorry about calling you like that. It must’ve freaked you out,” he said, and Adam just frowned.

Isaac raised a confused eyebrow. “No worries, man. You alright?” he asked, and Tommy nodded.

“Yeah, takes more than a bump to the head to take me down,” he said with a small laugh.

Adam frowned. “You sure you okay, TommyJoe?” he asked, and Tommy nodded.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, and Adam gave him a disbelieving look. “Adam, really, I’m okay,” he said, shrugging. “It’s not a big deal.”

Adam just gaped. “Tommy… honey, are you sure you’re…” He waved a hand. “Fuck, thinking clearly or-“

Tommy flinched at Adam’s movement and Adam froze. Tommy shook it off though. “I’m fine, Adam. I mean…” He glanced up at Adam, who could see how closed off Tommy’s eyes were. “Shit happens. Nothing to help that-“

Adam frowned. “Tommy, shit like _this_ doesn’t just ‘happen’! You should- you should take some time off. Maybe talk to somebody-“

Tommy snorted. “Adam, really, it’s not a big deal.” He sighed. “Not big enough of one to need help or whatever. I’m fine. Besides, I don’t have time to take off, we’re going on tour soon-“

“We can wait, honey,” Adam said gently, carefully taking Tommy’s hand, afraid he would scare him. “A few weeks extra won’t hurt-“

“I’m _okay_ ,” Tommy stressed. He shrugged. “So, nobody else knows right? Just you two and my mom?”

“And Sophie, but yeah,” Isaac said, and Tommy nodded.

“Good. Anybody else asks, I fell and hit my head,” he said firmly, and Adam felt his heart drop.

Adam, squeezed Tommy’s hand. “Glitterbaby, I know you want to just pretend nothing happened, but you can’t wish something like this away-“

“And I’m not,” Tommy said harshly. “Look, I’m going to talk to the police, I’m coming back for more blood tests in a few months, but otherwise, _nothing_ happened, got it?” he stressed. He looked at Isaac. “I am not kidding. I don’t have any PTSD shit. I acknowledge that something that shouldn’t happen happened to me, fine, but I don’t need help. I don’t need sympathy from everybody I know.” He sighed. “Look, I’m _fine_.”

Adam sighed, but nodded. “Okay,” he agreed. There was really nothing else he could do. “But you know I’m here for you, right?” he asked, and Tommy nodded, giving him a slightly more real smile.

“I know, you always have my back.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam was surprised when the next day, Tommy called him, asking if he could give him a ride to the police station. Adam agreed immediately, but he did _not_ expect Tommy to cast him a glance. “Can… um, can you come with me?” he asked in a soft voice. He wasn’t _vulnerable_ sounding, but he was clearly uneasy.

Adam nodded. “Sure, TommyJoe,” he agreed, though he was still a little confused. 

When they got inside, they had to wait a little while before Tommy could give his statement, since they were going to let him go into a room more private than just sitting with an officer beside a desk on the main floor. “Fuuuuuck,” Tommy groaned, leaning his head back against the wall. “I want to get this over.” He rolled his shoulders, making a face as he closed his eyes, head thumping the wall again.

“You okay?” Adam asked and Tommy snorted.

“In general? Yeah. But you have no idea how bad I don’t wanna do this,” he admitted.

Adam carefully put a hand on his arm, thumb stroking his forearm. “It’s okay, TommyJoe.” Tommy nodded and leaned his head against the wall again, waiting until they were called.

When someone came out to meet Tommy, he and Adam were led back to a room with a table and some chairs. Just as they walked in, a woman and a man in uniforms came in. “Good morning, Mr. Ratliff, I’m Officer Ricks, this is Officer Johnson,” the lady said, gesturing to the chairs opposite her and the other officer. When Adam sat, he cringed when Tommy put a hand on the table to brace himself as he sat down. He had been moving slowly and unevenly, but it was more real how battered he was when they were at the police station.

Officer Ricks pushed her ponytail over her shoulder as she opened up a file. “Okay, first off, we need you to confirm that these are the photographs of your body that were taken at the hospital the night before last,” she said, and Adam froze, somewhat horrified when she slid some photos across the table. He could see Tommy freeze beside him and he only glanced at the first photo before looking away. Tommy wouldn’t want him to see Tommy’s battered, bruised, bloody naked body. 

Tommy dutifully looked through them and then pushed them away. “Yeah, that’s… that’s me,” he said, and she nodded, putting them back.

“Okay, we need to take more photos now that all the bruising should have shown up.” Tommy froze. She gave him a gentle look. “If you want me to leave I can. Or given the circumstances, if you would feel better having me take the photos, I can-“

“No, it’s- it’s fine.” Tommy nodded. “Just what do I need to do?” he asked.

“Well, if you want we can do them in your underpants, or if you want some, we can get you a pair of shorts-“

“I’m fine,” Tommy said. “Now?” he asked, and she nodded. “Okay, um… can-“ He glanced a look at Adam. “Can he stay? Just… I don’t want to be-“

She nodded. “Your friend can stay, sure. Let’s just get you over here at this wall,” she said, gesturing to the blank wall behind them. “Would you like me to leave?”

He shook his head. “I don’t care.” He took off his shirt as he walked over to where she indicated. He was slower taking off his jeans, and Adam gasped when he saw the bruises on his back and lower stomach. No wonder he was careful with every move. His belt must have been hell on those bruises.

Adam felt sick to his stomach when he saw the shape of the bruises on Tommy’s hip-bones were those of handprints. It was worse than the glimpse of the pictures he had seen from the first night. There was a _bite mark_ on Tommy’s upper back that made Adam want to punch somebody. “That’s really clear, get in close on that,” Officer Johnson said to Officer Ricks, who nodded, getting a closer shot of the bite on his upper back. “Don’t forget the hand-shaped bruises, they give a good relative size,” he said and she nodded once more.

Adam just looked away, unable to take seeing his friend looking like that anymore. When they finished, Tommy redressed before sitting once more. Adam just shook his head weakly as soon as he was sure Tommy wasn’t looking. “Thanks,” Officer Ricks said. “Now, I know it may not be easy, but I need you to tell me what happened. As much detail as you can remember, especially about your attacker.”

Tommy nodded, face pale but stolid. “I was walking home after rehearsal. I’d helped my friend Ashley get to the bus stop safely, and then figured I was only about half an hour from my friend’s apartment and I’ve been staying with him, so I was gonna just walk.” He cleared his throat. “I had passed a few bars, so it wasn’t like the street was empty, so I didn’t think anything when I heard somebody walking behind me. I took a shortcut, though, and heard whoever it was still behind me. So when I got back on the street, I crossed to the other side, but I still heard footsteps. I didn’t want to act weird so I waited till I got to a spot so I could pretend to stop and tie my shoe.” He rubbed at his head absently, wincing when he hit the bruised, scraped skin on his temple. “There was an alley and at the end there was one of those cement pylon things, like to stop trucks from hitting the building at the corner, so I put my foot on it and looked up while I was pretending to tie my shoe, but just as I looked up, he hit me from behind,” he said, taking his hand down. “This is where my head hit the bricks on the wall,” he explained. He shrugged. “I was out for a minute, I think. At least unaware if not unconscious. What I remember next, was the guy dragging me down the alley further. There was a dumpster, and on the other side, he shoved me into the wall. I fell down and then he-“ He stopped and Adam saw his hands shaking. 

Adam carefully slid his hand into the one under the table and Tommy squeezed his hand _hard_. “He pushed me down on my face and started pulling my clothes off. He tore my shirt and got my pants down around my knees and…” He trailed off and shrugged. “You know the rest.”

Officer Ricks smiled sadly. “I’m sorry, but you have to tell us. We need a full account.”

Tommy groaned. “He fucking raped me, okay?” he said, looking a little frustrated. “The guy was huge, he was too big for me to even try and shove him off of me. He didn’t even have hold of my wrists, but the way my arms were at my sides, I couldn’t move he was so heavy. I don’t even know how long it was, but when he was done, he just kicked me and left. I figured he was going to kill me, but he just left.” He shrugged. “He smelled like whiskey so he was probably too drunk to realize I wasn’t dead or dying” He looked up, face more calm, even if he was still pale. “I was hurt pretty bad. I managed to get my pants back up, but I couldn’t really get up. I thought my ribs might be broke, but it’s just bruises. I called my friend but he couldn’t understand me or something, so when the call dropped and I thought more clearly, I called 9-1-1 and stayed on the line with the guy until an ambulance got there.”

“Did you see anything about him at all?” she asked, and Tommy shook his head.

“I think he had a beard, cause I felt something on my back when he bit me, but I couldn’t see anything. Big and bearded, I guess.” He made a face. “Possibly either really large bodied, or fat. He was a big guy, and going by the bruises on my sides I’d say he’s probably tall with hands that big, but he was so heavy. I’ve wrestled around with some big friends, but this guy was way heavier. So I guess tall and either fat or generally large.”

The officers finished writing down Tommy’s statement and nodded. “Alright, we’ll keep you updated, Mr. Ratliff,” Officer Ricks said, prompting them all to stand. She reached out and shook hands with Tommy, who then shook hands with the other officer.

“Thanks,” Tommy said gruffly, sticking close to Adam’s side as they went out.

Adam just watched Tommy’s face carefully as they got in his car, careful of any sign that Tommy was letting down his hardened exterior and needed Adam’s help. However, Tommy simply slipped from one guarded exterior to an empty, cooler expression that was no less fake than the other.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
After dropping Tommy off at Isaac’s place with a promise to call him later that night, Adam headed home. However, before he even got halfway there, the reality of the situation really hit him. He had to pull to the side of the road before he wrecked, he was so shaken. Adam leaned his head back against the headrest and whimpered, pulling his hands up over his face as tears began to build. 

His best friend had been _raped_. One of the fiercest, bravest men he had ever known had been dragged into a fucking alley and raped. He leaned over on the steering wheel as the tears reached the level that he was starting to feel the fire in his throat as he fought not to let out a sob. Every shake of his shoulders came closer to shaking loose the pained sobs he was holding in. He wanted to be strong. He didn’t want to cry when he wasn’t the one who had the right to. He wanted to be strong so that he could be there for Tommy. Eventually, Tommy’s hardened exterior was going to crack and he would need Adam. He had only let Adam and Isaac even know what happened and he knew Tommy would need them both eventually.

The worst part was, Adam didn’t know what to do. How did he just go home and act like he hadn’t spent the morning at a police station letting his friend give his account of being raped? He had no idea what he was supposed to do now. 

In the end, Adam just dried his tears and started the car, deciding the first step was to get home and then worry about how to proceed.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam was just sitting down after greeting Brad, who he was getting lunch with, when his phone rang. “Sorry,” he said and Brad waved a hand for Adam to answer. Adam froze when he saw it was Tommy. He cursed and answered it, hating his hesitance. “Hey honey,” he said gently.

“What’s this bullshit about tour being postponed?! We had rehearsal the next three days in a row and all of a sudden I ask Isaac about tonight’s rehearsal and he says ‘oh, we’re not starting tour next week’. What the fuck, Adam?” Tommy demanded, sounding angry.

Adam sighed, propping his head in his hand, elbows on the table. “We thought you might need some time-“

“Adam!” Tommy snapped and Adam flinched. “I don’t need _time_. I need to keep going with my life. I am fine, okay? Something happened, something bad, but life doesn’t just stop. The world kept spinning. I’ll need better makeup to cover the bruises, but other than that, I’m ready to keep rehearsing. We took three days off already, we need to get back to rehearsing and keep going!”

Adam groaned. “The management crew is already working on announcing the postponement in two days. They’ve already started on how much it will cost to refund tickets-“

“Then get your ass on the phone and stop them. Swear to God, Adam Lambert, if you fuck over all those fans I will not take the rap for it. When they are pissed, it’s all on you-“

Adam huffed. “Fucks sake, you are a pushy bastard,” he grumbled. “Fine, what the fuck ever, but when you have a fucking breakdown don’t you dare think I won’t say ‘I told you so’ asshole,” he snapped, hanging up. He froze and stared at the phone in horror. “Oh God,” he hissed, then quickly dialed Tommy back.

Tommy answered immediately. “I cannot believe you just hung up on me,” he said, sounding more disbelieving than anything.

Adam flinched. “I’m so sorry. Oh my God, I’m so sorry please don’t hate me. I just… I freaked, okay? I’m sorry,” he groveled, only to frown when he heard a laugh. “Are you… did you laugh?!”

Tommy laughed softly. “Adam, come on, I told you, I’m not gonna break.”

Adam just sighed. “Fine, I’ll call and see what can be done. But honey, really. If we get on the road and THEN you realize you aren’t okay, it will be hell to get somebody to replace you. They won’t let me cancel when we’re already going so I’ll have to just play with somebody else and you will be at home alone. I really think we should take some time-“

“Adam, no. I don’t want to. I want to just… keep going with my life, okay?” There was a pause before he spoke again. “Please, Adam?” he asked in a tiny voice.

Adam groaned. “I can’t say no to you, baby,” he said softly. “Fine, I will make calls. If I can get it undone, we’ve got to rehearse a LOT. Possibly all day the next three days.”

“Good, you dumb shit,” Tommy said. “Now I think I owe you this-“ And with that Tommy hung up on Adam. Adam rolled his eyes and put down the phone, sighing as he put his face in his hands before looking up again.

Brad was eyeing him curiously. “What’s wrong?” he asked softly and Adam froze, eyes going wide. “Don’t you dare think of lying to me, Adam Lambert,” he said, pointing. “I know your tells.”

Adam cringed. “It’s nothing. We… we were supposed to start tour next week. One of the guys had an accident though so I had made the call to cancel and apparently, he isn’t down with me canceling tour. He demands I undo it and we rehearse and tour as planned.”

Brad shook his head subtly. “You said ‘breakdown’… what kind of accident?”

Adam looked away. “Nothing, just fell and hit his head. Worried he may need time off with that kind of injury-“

“Why won’t you look at me, Adam?” Brad asked suddenly. Adam looked up and Brad’s eyes widened some. “What aren’t you saying?”

Adam groaned. “I can’t, okay? I just… I can’t-“

“Adam, whatever happened… you’re not okay,” he said gently. He reached out and grabbed Adam’s hand. “What’s going on? You look… terrified,” he said softly and Adam shook his head.

“It’s nothing, I promise. I can’t say what happened, but it’s…” He took a deep breath. “It’s under control.”

Brad just shook his head. “Sweetheart, maybe whoever it is thinks they have it under control, but _you_ don’t,” he said simply. “You’re… scaring me,” he said honestly.

Adam just shrugged. “I’m dealing.” He shook himself and smiled. “Alright, enough of… that crap, hi!” he said brightly, and Brad laughed. “We haven’t hung out in a while, so this should be us time, not drama time,” he said and Brad offered him a smile.

“Alright, whatever you say.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Haha, you are such a bitch,” Adam said, shoving Brad playfully as they headed out to their cars. “Man, I’m glad I got to see you before we left,” Adam said, shaking his head as they approached Brad’s car, only to freeze when the woman passing them caught his eye. He felt his blood run cold when he recognized the police officer from the other morning. She gave him a nod and kept going, but Adam couldn’t control the way his hands started shaking as his throat closed up.

“Adam?! ADAM?!” He was snatched from his reverie as Brad shook him by his arm. He looked down at him only to see Brad looking at him with wide eyes. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, and Adam swallowed hard, opening and closing his mouth as he tried to speak, but nothing came out. “You okay, honey? You went white as a sheet,” he said, then looked back at the woman. “Did you know her?”

Adam just turned away and put his face in his hands. “Oh God, Brad I just-“ He choked out a squeak, lowering his hands to see Brad gazing at him with a terrified look. “I- I can’t,” he whispered and Brad grabbed his hand.

“Come here, Adam,” he said, tugging him over to his car. He unlocked it and opened the passenger door. “Get in,” he said, shoving at Adam before running around to the driver’s side. He slid in just as Adam got the door shut and put his face in his hands, bursting into tears. “Adam, what the fuck is happening to you?” he asked, reaching out to put a hand on his arm.

Adam looked up, tears on his cheeks. “Brad, I can’t even… I don’t know how to handle this,” he choked out. He leaned his head back, wiping at his face. “Oh God, I shouldn’t even be the one fucked up like this. My God, I’m such a pussy to be so emotional over something when I’m supposed to be the shoulder to cry on, not the one crying-“

“Whoa, hold on, what is going on? And don’t bullshit me,” Brad demanded and Adam groaned.

“It’s… something bad happened. Something really bad,” he stressed. He sniffled. “That woman she- she was one of the police officers he talked to when I went with him the other day-“

“Who?” Brad asked calmly.

Adam sighed. “Tommy. He- he wanted a ride and I guess he wanted somebody to stay with him for moral support so we went to see the police together and she was the officer in charge who- who asked all the questions.”

Brad nodded, eyebrows furrowed. “Questions about what? What happened to Tommy, Adam. If he’s okay, why are you so messed up over it?”

Adam whimpered. “God, I don’t- I don’t know why I’m so messed up over it. I guess I didn’t expect to ever have to deal with a friend going through that. I have no idea how to… be, okay? Like… how do you just keep going about your daily life like nothing happened and he won’t even take a break! The is all ‘oh well, shit happens’ and SHIT LIKE THAT DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN-“

“Whooaaa there big fella,” Brad said, catching the flailing hand. “Okay, what happened to Tommy?”

Adam sighed, sniffling as he dried his face. “The other night after rehearsal…” He took a shaky breath. “He got raped,” he said in a small voice.

Brad’s eyes flew wide. “Wait, WHAT?!” he cried, and Adam nodded.

“He walked Ashley to the bus stop and decided to walk home, same as he does all the time, and from what he told the police, the guy who did it followed him for a few blocks. He said he heard somebody walking behind him but didn’t think about it until he took a shortcut and whoever it was followed him. He said he figured he’d stop and tie his shoe and look to see if somebody was following him, but as soon as he stopped, the guy jumped him. Slammed his head into the wall next to him-“ Brad gasped, hand covering his mouth. “Dragged him in the alley while he was out of it and… well, let’s just say apparently out of it wasn’t enough. Tommy looked-“ He shuddered. “He looked like someone tried to beat him to death, Brad. I mean, his face was mostly okay, just the blow to the head, but God, his little arms,” he whimpered, voice cracking. He shook his head, putting his face in his hands.

Brad just stared, looking horrorstruck. “Is…my _God_ how is he?!” he asked weakly. “I mean… fuck, did he- did they get the guy?”

Adam shrugged. “Tommy gave a statement that morning, but… I don’t know. I doubt they’ll get him,” he said sadly. “Tommy never saw him. Guy jumped him from behind and then shoved him on his front so he never saw him. Only description he could give was that the guy was probably tall and was definitely heavy.” He made a disgusted sound. “He couldn’t push him off because of how big he was. Some giant bastard attacked a little guy like Tommy. Tommy’s lucky the guy didn’t kill him. Probably thought he was dead, Tommy said. He figures the guy was really plastered. He just… left him there,” he whispered, hands shaking. “God, he- he called Isaac at first, but Isaac couldn’t understand him and Tommy says he got his senses back and called the police after that, but the hospital called Isaac cause he was the last person called and Isaac called me. I got Tommy’s mom and she- I thought he was dying or something, she was so upset and couldn’t speak really.” He looked up and swallowed hard. “When I got there he was- he was _crying_ ,” he whispered, voice breaking. “He was just… curled up in a ball crying and he- he didn’t want me to look at him, he was so- so hurt and upset and- and he was so ashamed at being too little to fight back! God, he was- it was sooo bad. It was the worst thing I’ve ever- ever been though, watching my best friend like that,” he choked out, shaking his head.

“Oh God,” Brad whispered, tears filling his eyes. “How- how is he okay to go on _tour_ next week?” he asked and Adam huffed.

“That dumb ass… the next morning he was discharged and Isaac was there to take him home and he just walks out like nothing’s wrong,” he said, shaking his head. “He just came all ‘yeah, so that sucked, but I’m fine now!’ and he won’t- he won’t take a break and he won’t- won’t talk about it to someone. I told him I’d help him find somebody but he just… he’s ignoring it.” He shook his head. “So Isaac and I decided to postpone tour but now he’s all ‘that will hurt me more than help me’ and-“

“Honey,” Brad said, reaching out to grab his hand. Adam looked at him and Brad smiled sadly, shaking his head. “Maybe that’s his way of dealing, okay? Maybe he needs to keep busy?” He sighed and tugged Adam across the console. “Sweetie,” he whispered and Adam let out a pained sound, hugging him close. “Listen, you aren’t being weak for being so upset, okay?” he said, curling a hand in Adam’s hair. “You had to see somebody you love hurt in a way nobody ever should be. You’re allowed to be freaked out and upset. Hell, it’s only been a few days, I can see why you’re crying and breaking down a little.” He smiled when Adam let out a wet sound. “Shhh, it’s okay baby. Tommy’s alright. He’ll get better with time, okay? Just be strong for him and who knows, maybe this is what he needs. Maybe he doesn’t need therapy, he just needs to be treated like normal. I doubt he wants anybody acting weird around him, so you need to just act like everything is okay, alright?”

Adam nodded, pulling back. “Okay.” He sniffled. “God, I just… I guess I’m worried because it’s _Tommy_. He’s so brave and strong and I worry that this will really mess him up mentally.”

Brad shook his head. “God, I’d sure as hell be messed up mentally. But hey, everybody runs different. Maybe he’s strong enough he can get better by keeping busy instead of taking time off. Maybe he’s taking the initiative to keep going before the fear can cripple him, you know? He’s a tough bitch.”

Adam laughed. “Yeah, he is a tough bitch.” He leaned back. “Fuck, I really feel better talking it over,” he admitted. “I wasn’t supposed to tell anybody so I feel bad, but at the same time, I think dealing with my best friend being hurt like that without anybody to talk to about it messed with me.”

Brad squeezed his hand. “Tommy’s a very solitary guy. You’re a really social being. He’s okay keeping it in, you talk about stuff to get over it.” 

Adam just smiled and nodded. “Glad you were here. You at least won’t go running your mouth,” he said softly. He leaned over and kissed Brad’s cheek. “Thanks baby.”

Brad laughed. “Of course I won’t tell. I’m not an asshole,” he said. He shoved at Adam’s shoulder playfully. “Now get out of my car, bitch.”

Adam laughed. “Fine, fine, I’m going. God!” he joked, climbing out with a laugh. He blew a kiss at the car as he stalked across the lot to his own car. 

He would be okay. He had to be okay so he could keep Tommy okay as well.   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Adam got to rehearsal, he was glad to see only Isaac and Tommy were there yet. Isaac looked up when he came in and smirked. “Somebody got his ass chewed about un-postponing tour, huh?”

Adam groaned. “Eurgh, TommyJoe, if I didn’t love you so much, I’d strangle you for the bitching I had to take to cancel the postponement,” he said and Tommy smiled at him, though Adam’s heart fell when he saw that it didn’t reach his eyes.

“But you do love me so I get away with it!” he said, batting his eyelashes playfully.

Adam put down his bag and walked over to sit down beside Tommy, who was playing a tune on his guitar. “How are you really?” he asked softly and Tommy sighed, rolling his eyes. “No,” Adam started. “I’m just… being friendly. I’m not saying you aren’t okay, but I’m just… being nice.”

Tommy looked at him with a small smile. “Well, I’m still really sore. My whole body is still all stiff and cramped. Kind of like how you feel after a major workout.”

Adam cringed. “Ew. How’s your head?” he asked, and Tommy whined, leaning his head on Adam’s shoulder.

“I keep getting headaches. They told me I’m fine, it’s just the bump throbbing, not an actual headache, but it sucks.” He curled his arm to link with Adam’s, twisting their fingers together on Adam’s lap. “Glad I talked you into stopping your stupidness.”

Adam smiled, leaning against Tommy. “I’m glad you felt up to it.” He laid his head against Tommy’s hair. “You know I only want what’s best for you, right?”

Tommy nodded, squeezing Adam’s hand. “Yeah and right now, what’s best for me is touring, Adam. You trust me, right?” he asked.

Adam sighed but nodded, turning to look at Tommy. “Yeah, I do,” he said, smiling sadly. “I just hope you’re right. But I’m going to trust you, you know how you feel better than anybody else, so I’m trusting you to tell me if you need help. Okay?”

Tommy gave him a small grin. “Okay, but one thing I know I need is space, okay?” he asked and Adam started to pull away. “Not you, jackass,” he said, tugging Adam’s hand back into his. “It’s not like that. You can touch me and stuff, but I mean if I need to be alone, I really need it. I might have to steal your room on the bus sometimes, okay?” he asked and Adam nodded.

“Sure TommyJoe. You can have it to yourself if you want. I’ll take a bunk,” he offered.

Tommy laughed. “No, you can keep your room. But if I need space, we can swap. Okay?”

Adam nodded. “Of course, honey.” He smiled and stroked his hair as he looked at him. “I’m just glad you’re alright,” he said softly.

Tommy gave him a smile that _still_ didn’t reach his eyes and it made Adam’s heart hurt. “I’m getting there, man. I’m getting there.” When he stood up, he pressed a kiss to the top of Adam’s head before he walked off and Adam just watched him head over to Isaac, feeling more than ever like Tommy _wasn’t_ okay. He only hoped he was reading him wrong.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
As everybody got ready to go on stage for the first show, Adam noticed Tommy’s hands clenching and unclenching against his shirt. He nudged him. “You okay, Glitterbaby?” he asked softly, and Tommy nodded, swallowing hard.

“Yeah, let’s rock this,” he said, giving Adam a reasonably forced smile. Adam just nodded, reaching out to squeeze his hand until it came time for them to all head out onto the stage. While on stage, between songs, Adam went to get a sip of his water only to see Tommy had stolen his bottle of water and was drinking it. He glanced at Tommy’s ever-present red cup of beer sitting behind him on the step, but didn’t speak as Tommy handed him his bottle of water before walking way. 

When they got off stage, Adam caught up to Tommy. “Hey TommyJoe, why’d you drink my water?” he asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

Tommy shrugged. “Didn’t have one of my own,” he said simply. 

When they got to the dressing room, Adam smiled at everybody. “Great show, you guys!” he said, laughing when a cheer went up.

Ashlee perked up. “So, where’s the party gonna be? Bus or are we going to hit a club?” she asked excitedly.

Adam grinned. “A club sounds fun! We don’t have too long, but a few hours should be…” He trailed off when he saw Tommy’s flinch. “Or, not,” he said and Tommy glanced up, but shrugged.

“Sounds fun, let’s go!” he said enthusiastically. Everybody else cheered and agreed, but Adam could see through Tommy’s façade.

His eyes were as dead as ever.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam opened the door to the exercise room, eager to get in a run while they were at a hotel with a fitness center, only to find that he wasn’t the only person with the idea of a midnight gym session. He was damn near _shocked_ to find Tommy of all people running in the middle of the night. 

Tommy didn’t hear Adam coming in over the sound of the treadmill, but when Adam walked around into his line of sight, Tommy startled so bad he ended up falling and being shot off onto the floor.

Adam yelped. “Oh my God, Tommy!” he cried, rushing around to help Tommy up, sighing when Tommy jumped up and held up his hands with a shocked look. “You okay?”

Tommy grinned. “Dude, I survived!” he said, doing a little happy dance. “Fuck,” he said, rubbing his ass as he turned to look at the still-going treadmill. “That thing is the Devil,” he said and Adam cracked up.

“Sure honey,” he said, going over to press the off button on the exercise machine. He turned back to Tommy, who was drinking something out of a travel bottle. He frowned at the white liquid. “Hey, what is that?” he asked, making a face.

Tommy lowered the bottle and wiped his mouth. “Protein shake,” he said. He smiled. “Pina colada flavored, it’s good.”

Adam just stared blankly as Tommy walked over to the multi-gym and set the weights before sitting down to start working out. “Okay, who are you and what did you do with TommyJoe?” he asked and Tommy raised an eyebrow as he pulled the bar down. “TommyJoe is a lazy little fucker, he doesn’t _work out_. He gets most of his exercise lifting a beer to his lips,” he said, and Tommy laughed.

“I do work out. Just not much before now. I like how I feel after,” he said and Adam just shook his head, more than a little confused as he went to start jogging on the treadmill.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~As tour wore on, Adam kept an eye on Tommy, but he seemed alright. He seemed to be acting the same as ever. He and Ashley were little evil minions together on stage, doing their best to trip Adam up and make him miss his cues. He and Isaac still teased Adam every time he flirted with a boy- a rare occasion these days, sadly- and took turns messing it up every time by sneaking in and pretending to be a jealous boyfriend. Everybody else on tour loved Isaac, Tommy, and Ashley’s antics at Adam’s expense.

Adam thought everything was going fine until he started noticing little things that were wrong. Tommy was avoiding people’s touch. He had purposefully backed off walking up on Tommy from behind and slinging an arm around him out of decency, but he had noticed Tommy didn’t really seek hugs with Isaac anymore, he avoided the girls’ hugs, and he always found a way to settle himself into a seat on his own rather than snuggle up on the couch with someone. Also, other than the one night at the gym, Adam didn’t think on Tommy’s mention of exercising until one day at sound check he pulled his shirt up to wipe his face and Adam was absolutely shocked to see Tommy had somehow developed not only a flat stomach, but a small amount of definition to his chest and obliques. He started sneaking looks and noticed Tommy’s arms were more defined and his legs thicker as well. 

He ignored Tommy always getting his own drink before shows rather than letting a tech bring him a beer and rather than waitresses or the others at a bar or restaurant, because he could understand why he might not trust others to watch and make sure nothing got in his drink considering he’d lost the sense of ‘it can’t happen to me’ he once had. He also ignored how it looked like Tommy had stopped drinking beer and started drinking some dark, iced drink everywhere they went until one night when he made a shocking discovery.

Tommy had just come back to the table with his drink and another beer for Isaac when Adam sat down from dancing with Ashley. “TommyJoe! Wanna dance?” he asked, and Tommy grinned.

“Nah, I’m good,” he said, winking with a sly grin as he sipped his drink. Adam giggled at Tommy’s face and leaned into his side, smiling when Tommy settled against him. “Hmmm, there aren’t any cute boys here,” he said, pouting and Ashley grinned.

“Well, there’s Isaac,” she said, kicking his chair lightly. “And my brother TommyJoe!” she said, holding up her drink.

Adam laughed and grabbed Tommy’s drink, since he didn’t have one, and clinked his glass with hers in agreement. “Hell yeah, I’ve got a sexy band!” he said and they both drank. However, he frowned when he sat the glass down, smacking his lips before picking it up to drink again. He sat it back down and shot Tommy a look, only to see Tommy’s eyes flash in panic. He raised an eyebrow and slid Tommy’s drink back to him. “Why are you drinking diet coke at a bar?” he asked curiously. “I don’t taste anything else in it.”

Tommy bit his lip. “Just… felt like backing off early?” he tried, but Adam saw right through his ruse. 

“Okay,” he said skeptically, promising himself he’d ask Tommy about it again when they were alone. However, in the end, he suspected that Tommy’s ‘dark drinks’ had been diet coke all along judging by his reaction.

Adam didn’t get a chance to talk to Tommy alone, but he took a chance and took sips of Tommy’s drink whenever he could sneak one and every single time it was just diet coke. Even when Tommy pretended to be tipsy, clearly to fake it, he was never drinking anything with alcohol in it. Adam knew Tommy may have a reason to be somewhat uneasy getting drunk in public, but Adam couldn’t imagine _Tommy_ stopping drinking anything ever. It wasn’t like anybody on the bus was going to hurt him or let anything happen to him when they had a mini-party on the bus.

Adam just couldn’t understand what Tommy was doing with his working out and not drinking. It didn’t fit any of the PTSD symptoms Adam had expected when he agreed to take Tommy out on tour. He just hoped it meant Tommy wasn’t too bad off.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Tommy went off, Adam never expected it to go the way it did. He had worried Tommy would lose it soon if the way he had been practically clinging to Adam at any free moment was anything to go by, but he never expected Tommy’s breakdown to not only hold off until the sixth week of tour, but to take the form in which it did.

Adam was sipping his first drink of the night, having just sat down from dancing, when Isaac came running up to the table. “Adam! Adam you have to help me!” he cried, and Adam sloshed his drink, setting it down.

“What?! What’s wrong?” Adam asked, shoving at one of the crew guys to get out so he could. 

Isaac shook his head. “Tommy’s freaking out, man. I tried to calm him down but he won’t let anybody get near him. Ashley’s standing with him, but-“

“Come on!” Adam cried, shoving Isaac to lead the way. Isaac cut through the dance floor and into a back hall with a ‘restrooms’ sign over the entrance. When the rounded the corner of the dark, derelict hall, Adam heard the commotion ahead. The came to the bend where the bathrooms were and saw Tommy was cowering in the corner while Ashley tried to get rid of a girl, who looked _pissed_.

“Bitch, he fucking _pushed me!_ ” the girl snapped and Isaac rushed in and grabbed Ashley, who looked ready to punch the girl in the face.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” he asked and the girl turned on him.

“If this bitch will get out of my way-“

“Hey, don’t call her a bitch!” Adam snapped. “Now what happened?!” he demanded before turning to carefully approach Tommy while he waited for answers.

Ashley groaned. “I don’t know! I was coming out of the bathroom and saw a split second of her and Tommy kissing, figured Tommy had found a girl, but then all of a sudden Tommy just shoved the fuck out of her and she flew across the hall and he started yelling and full on freaking the fuck out and in between keeping this one from running over and kicking him and trying to yell for help, Tommy crawled into the corner and won’t answer anything I tried to say,” she said to Adam’s back as he slowly edged closer.

Isaac just shook his head. “I heard Ashley yelling and came looking,” he said, giving Tommy an absolutely heartbroken look. “Fuck, TommyJoe,” he whispered.

“Look, I don’t know what the fuck ya’ll are on, but somebody better-“

Ashley growled and grabbed the girl by her hair. “Okay, we’re done here, I’m sick of your mouth,” she said, and Isaac watched in amusement as Ashley marched off down the hall, dragging the angry girl along _by her hair_.

Adam finally knelt down beside Tommy, who had his head in his hands. “Oh TommyJoe,” he whispered. He sighed and squared his shoulders. “Tommy? Tommy can you hear me?” He cringed. “Glitterbaby?”

Tommy flinched some, hands carefully moving to reveal his tear-filled eyes. “A-Adam?”

Adam nodded, tears filling his eyes as he saw the _pain_ in those big brown eyes. “It’s me, honey. Are you okay?” he asked, and Tommy whimpered. “Shhhh, it’s okay.”

Tommy took a deep breath and peeked up, eyes clearing some. “Adam,” he squeaked, startling Adam as he uncurled and threw his arms around Adam’s neck, clinging. “Adam!” he sobbed, and Adam shook as he curled his arms around the smaller man.

“I’ve got you, baby. You’re safe, I promise.” Adam kissed his hair. “Shhhh, I won’t let anybody hurt you. Nothing is going to hurt you if I’m around.”

“It- I could see it all again,” Tommy sobbed weakly. “She-that girl just… I thought maybe- maybe I could flirt a little at least, I’ve felt so much better lately, but- but she told me we were going to her table and then I started freaking out a little when she dragged me off down a hall instead, and- and even if it was just a skinny little chick, she pushed me against the wall and kissed me and- and she tasted like whiskey!”

Adam cringed, remembering that being one of the only details Tommy had been able to offer about his attacker, that he smelled like whiskey. “You’re okay, baby. You’re okay-“

“I had a full on flashback, Adam! I- I couldn’t see anything here, I was _there_! He was hurting me and I was terrified and- and I don’t want to be scared anymore,” he sobbed weakly.

Adam just hugged him. “Okay, let’s get you back to the bus, okay?” he soothed. “We’ll get on the bus and you can go to my room and sleep. We’ll run damage control later, okay?”

Tommy nodded, sniffling. “Don’t let me go, okay?” he asked fearfully and Adam shook his head. “Okay.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
That night, Adam couldn’t even sleep, he was so worried about Tommy. Tommy made Adam stay with him or he wouldn’t go to sleep. He barely let Adam go to the bathroom alone. He slept with his hands tight around Adam’s wrists, making sure Adam didn’t move the arm he had around Tommy’s waist. Adam just cried, heartbroken to see such a strong person feeling so weak.

The next morning, Adam woke up and was able to wiggle away from Tommy without waking him. He got up to go to the bathroom, only to come out and find the others already in the lounge, clearly still shaken by last night. Isaac was the only one that could possibly understand, so Adam wasn’t surprised. “Morning guys,” he said softly, smiling when Isaac wordlessly handed him the coffee pot. “Thanks.”

“So, care to explain what the fuck happened last night?” Ashley demanded and Adam cringed.

“It isn’t my place,” he said simply, shrugging. He sat down and pulled his legs up onto the couch. “I’m sorry but it’s true,” he said simply.

Isaac nodded. “Like I tried to tell you, it’s Tommy’s business, not ours. Tommy is-“

“I’m fine,” Tommy said and they all looked up. Tommy smiled sheepishly before going over to climb right into Adam’s lap. Adam sighed and maneuvered around so that Tommy’s ass wasn’t digging into his thighs, settling with his free arm around Tommy’s waist. 

“You okay?” Adam asked, and Tommy nodded, placing a hand on the back of Adam’s forearm as if he was afraid Adam was going to let go.

Ashley bit her lip. “Tommy… what was that last night?” she asked softly.

Tommy sighed, closing his eyes as he let his head fall back onto Adam’s shoulder, blowing out a breath that fluffed his bangs. “It… I’m not okay,” he admitted softly, and Adam squeezed him slightly. “I’m better than I could be, but I’m still not as okay as I thought,” he said weakly. He looked up, pale as his eyes roved over everybody’s faces. “Last night was… me breaking,” he said simply. “I’ve been really controlling everything, basically. I stopped drinking, and I’ve been working out,” he admitted and everybody looked surprised.

Isaac eyed him. “I thought you were looking good lately,” he said and Tommy gave him a sad smile.

“Whenever we’re at a hotel with a gym, I basically spend all night in there. Adam caught me once,” he said, looking back at Adam, who rubbed his side gently. “You caught me drinking too, didn’t you?” he asked, and Adam nodded.

“You drink diet coke everywhere. I thought it was some dark rum or something looking at it on the table but then I noticed bubbles and for a few days I stole a sip of almost anything you drank and it was never anything else. Just water or diet coke. I was worried you were developing an eating disorder with the exercising and control-freak behavior, but you kept eating all the time so I wasn’t too worried,” Adam admitted. He chuckled. “You don’t squish,” he said, pressing at his side playfully.

“But why did you freak out last night?” Ashley asked. “I mean, becoming a control freak doesn’t really lead to- well, that!”

Tommy took a breath. “I had a flashback last night.” He shook his head. “About a week before we left for tour, one night after rehearsal, I was walking home after I walked you to the bus,” he said to Ashley, who nodded. “I got… attacked.”

Isaac flinched. “Tommy, man, you don’t have to-“

“I do,” Tommy said simply. “Adam was right, hiding it and going on about my life didn’t work, obviously. I’m doing alright, but I’m not okay.” He sighed. “Ashley, I got raped,” he said simply, and Adam heard gasps in stereo, everybody staring in shock. He shrugged. “The person who did it smelled like whiskey and that girl last night, she didn’t give me any warning she was going to kiss me and when she _did_ , she had been drinking whiskey. I just slipped into a flashback.”

Ashley looked up with tears in her eyes. “Tommy,” she whimpered and Tommy leaned forward to hug her, making her let out a sob. “Are you okay?! God, that’s so stupid, but- but why didn’t you tell anybody!? God, we’ve all said so many insensitive things and made jokes and-“

“It’s okay, kid,” Tommy said, shaking his head. “Isaac and Adam knew and I was handling it alright. Last night just… blew up in my face.” He settled back against Adam. “I’m okay guys, I’m just not as okay as I thought I was, is all.”

Adam squeezed him lightly. “You promise you’ll talk to me if it gets tough?” he asked softly and Tommy nodded, laying his head back against Adam’s shoulder.

“Always, Babyboy, always.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Tour wore on and within another month, it was done. There was a pretty sizable gap between touring the US and going on a world tour, so they were essentially two separate tours. They all went home, ready for a nice few month’s off before the next, more exhausting tour took place.

Adam spent a few days just vegging out and resting before he decided to call a boy he’d met before tour. He hadn’t been on a date in forever and he hadn’t managed more than a few kisses on tour between being busy and having to look after Tommy. He was seriously due for some fun with a hot guy. 

However, the night he went out with Trent, as he was called, they had just gotten seated at the restaurant Adam was taking Trent to for dinner when Adam’s phone buzzed. He checked the text while Trent was in the bathroom, and saw it was Brad texting with a ‘CALL TOMMY!!!’, that made him just a little worried. He put his phone away, however, when Trent returned. Dinner was nice, Trent seemed pretty interesting, and some flirting over dessert hinted at something a little better to come than cheesecake when they left. Adam was just signing for his card when his phone rang. He cringed and excused himself, knowing it had to be important if it was a call. He frowned when he saw it was Tommy. He took back his card with a quick ‘thank you’ and an apologetic look to Trent as he excused himself and stepped outside while Trent put on his jacket.

When Adam got outside, he answered the call. “TommyJoe, this better be good, I’m on-“

“A-Adam!” Tommy choked out and Adam’s heart dropped as he heard Tommy crying. “Adam, they caught him!”

Adam felt his pulse speed up. “What?!”

Tommy let out a sob. “Adam, the- the officer in charge of my case called me. She- she told me they caught a man and it- it’s him!”

Adam let out a sharp breath. “Are you okay, baby?” he asked gently. “Is somebody with you?”

“Adam, please- please come over?” he asked in a weak voice. “I know I’m safe now but- but I’m so scared,” he whimpered and Adam cringed, glancing over at Trent, who was waiting a few yards away, looking around as he waited patiently.

“I’m a little busy, honey,” Adam said gently only to sigh when Tommy let out a wet, ragged cough.

“O-Okay, I’ll be okay. I’m fine, right? I mean… I should be okay now. He- he can’t hurt me if he’s arrested, right? I’m going to be okay. I will be f-fine,” he repeated and Adam rolled his eyes when he heard exactly how terrified Tommy sounded.

“Okay, if you’re sure,” he said and Tommy let out a soft sound.

“I’m okay. Sorry for bothering you-“

Adam cut him off. “No, baby, you know you can call me whenever you need me. Always,” he said gently.

Tommy sniffled. “Thank you, Adam. Sorry still,” he said, and Adam smiled. “Just be careful, okay? Love you,” Tommy said and Adam cringed at how Tommy’s voice quaked, clearly still full of fear.

“Love you too, baby. I’ll call you later,” he said in parting. He went to put the phone in his pocket, only to pause, looking at the picture of Tommy on the screen as he flashed, showing the call ended. He could hear how scared Tommy sounded as his parting echoed in his head. Adam eventually sighed, letting his head drop. He put the phone in his pocket and walked over to Trent.

“Everything okay?” Trent asked, and Adam gave him an apologetic look.

“I’m really sorry about this but something’s come up,” he started, hoping that Trent would at least give him a second chance at a later date.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
When Tommy opened the door, Adam could see a look of surprise on his face. “I thought you were busy?” he asked and Adam smiled.

“Nah, you need me more right now,” he said, smiling when Tommy stepped into his arms, clinging to him. “Shhhh, let’s sit down and you can talk or whatever,” he said, and Tommy nodded, leading Adam into his apartment.

When Tommy sat down, he curled his arms around his knees, looking across the couch at Adam. “Well… they think it’s him. I mean, they know it is, but- but he’s in jail,” he said softly, smiling a little.

Adam nodded. “That’s great. They sure it’s him?” he asked, and Tommy nodded.

“Yeah, the woman said the-“ He made a face, cheek turning pink as he looked down. “The DNA matched,” he said and Adam fought a cringe.

“Hey, don’t do that,” Adam said, reaching over to catch Tommy’s hand and pull him into his side. “You have nothing to be ashamed of,” he whispered, kissing Tommy’s hair.

Tommy sighed. “I just… I keep thinking about it. I’m still so scared because I just keep remembering it.”

Adam curled his arms around Tommy. “It’s okay, you’re never going to have to worry about him hurting you ever again,” he said, and Tommy nodded. 

“Sorry if you were working,” Tommy said, looking up at Adam, leaning his head back against Adam’s shoulder. “I hate to interrupt-“

Adam chuckled. “No, nothing like that, I was out on a date,” he said, and Tommy groaned.

“Fuck,” he said, and Adam laughed. “I guess I have been pretty selfish lately. I think I was hogging you on tour,” he said, and Adam smiled.

“I’m always here if you need, me TommyJoe. I would be a shitty friend if I blew you off when you needed me, no matter how cute the boy was,” he said, and Tommy hummed, laying his head on Adam’s chest as he curled into his side. Adam closed his eyes and kissed Tommy’s hair, resting his cheek against the top of Tommy’s hair.

Adam and Tommy ended up laying on the couch, Tommy curled up on Adam’s chest, before too long. Adam had just about fell asleep, convinced Tommy already was, when Tommy whispered his name. “Adam?”

“Hmm?” Adam mumbled tiredly.

Tommy took a shaky breath and shifted some, picking at Adam’s shirt. “Who were you out with?” he asked, and Adam hummed, rubbing his side as he shifted a little.

“Nobody special. Just a boy I met before tour. Thought I’d ask him out. Haven’t had a chance to see anybody in a while. Don’t have time for boys really, figured I’d try though,” he said, and then slid his hand into Tommy’s hair. “Why?” he asked as the edges of sleep ebbed at his consciousness.

Tommy made a soft noise and took a breath. “I’m not sorry I messed up your date,” he admitted in a whisper. Adam’s eyes opened, sleep being chased away for another minute at Tommy’s revelation.

“What?” he asked softly, waiting. He frowned when Tommy didn’t answer. He looked down and pushed Tommy’s bangs back, only to frown when he saw Tommy’s slack expression and felt his deep, even breaths. “You fall asleep after that?!” he hissed, then grumbled. He considered waking Tommy up again, but figured answers weren’t really worth fucking with Tommy getting some rest. He closed his eyes and frowned, trying to ignore the thoughts and feeling running through his head in favor of getting some sleep.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam woke up to the sound of Tommy shouting something. He jumped up, looking around frantically as his brain caught up with being awake. “Tommy?!”

“No,” he heard Tommy shout from the hall. 

Adam jumped up and rushed out, only to frown when he saw Tommy and Sutan in the hall. “Tommy, are you okay?” he asked, only to frown when Tommy turned around and there were tears on his face. “Sutan, what are you doing here?” 

“A-Adam!” he choked out, walking over. “It- it’s all over twitter!” 

“What is, baby?” Adam asked softly.

Tommy sniffled, wiping his cheek. “Sutan saw an article. The guy who hurt me, when he got caught, he got his ass kicked by the friends of a- a guy he tried to hurt, that’s why he got caught and in the article, there were motherfucking pictures of the marks he left on _my body_!” he spat. “Sure, they didn’t have my face in them, it was close ups of my- my waist and my back, but people recognized my tattoos cause my arms were only sort of cut off!” he choked out, putting his face in his hands. “Oh my God, oh my God everybody knows!”

Sutan just stared, looking horrified. “Oh God, I was hoping it wasn’t real,” he said, and Adam cringed but nodded as he walked forward and pulled Tommy into his arms. Sutan watched Tommy collapse into Adam’s arms, crying as he clung to him. “When?” he asked weakly and Adam smiled sadly.

“TommyJoe, you want to be alone?” he asked, kissing his hair. “Want to talk to Sutan?”

Tommy shook his head. “Don’t leave me,” he whimpered and Adam felt his heart clench painfully.

“I’m not going anywhere, honey,” Adam promised. “Want to sit down with me and let’s both talk to Sutan?”

Tommy nodded, sniffling as he pressed his face into Adam’s shirt. “Just don’t go.”

They all went to the living room and Sutan stared with a heartbroken look at how fragile Tommy was behaving. Tommy was so strong usually and Adam knew exactly how scary it was to see him weak. Adam sat with Tommy between them, though Tommy was still hiding in Adam’s arm. “TommyJoe, what happened?” Sutan asked softly.

Tommy sighed, wiping his face as he took a brave breath and sat up straight. “I-“ He voice cracked and he coughed, sniffling as he put on a more put-together expression. “A week before tour, I got jumped on the way home after rehearsal,” he said, putting on a brave face that made Adam’s chest swell with pride at his friend’s strength. “He followed me and when I stopped to see who was following me, he jumped me, hit my head into a wall,” he said and Sutan gasped. “He was too big to fight off even if I hadn’t been dizzy from the blow to the head, but I’m lucky he didn’t kill me. Adam wanted to cancel tour, but I didn’t want to do that.” He shrugged. “I had to keep going. I had to go on tour and be normal and live my life because I didn’t want to- to be different. I didn’t want anything to change. I was convinced that something bad happened, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. I was fine. I could go on like nothing happened. I didn’t let Adam or Isaac tell the others, we just told the story I fell and hit my head,” he said simply.

He looked up and shrugged. “I wasn’t that okay though. I mean, it isn’t that bad, I was able to go on with the tour and I was mostly alright… but whenever I was alone I kept thinking about ways I could’ve prevented it. I started eating better and exercising. I worked out every time I could. I stopped drinking because I can’t keep my guard up if I’m even a little tipsy, you know?” he said simply. “I haven’t drank anything since I got raped, I just can’t let down my guard like that. I am mostly okay, I’m not as traumatized as you might expect, but the- the fear is the problem,” he said sadly. “I’m so scared all the time,” he said, face falling. “I walked around this city at night so many times you couldn’t count. Fifteen years of roaming the streets at night all by myself and I never had a reason to be scared. Or so I thought,” he said simply. “Now I’m afraid of being alone. Living by myself is terrible at night. I leave all the lights on. I got extra locks on my door. I make sure the windows are locked even though I’m on the third floor with no fire escape or balconies. I lock my _bedroom door_ when I go to bed,” he admitted. 

Adam held his hand. “He had a flashback on tour. He told everybody after that, but we still all agreed to never tell anybody else but-“ He stopped. “Shit, I bet the pictures are why Brad texted me to call you last night,” he said and Tommy frowned.

“Why does he know?” he asked and Adam cringed. Tommy glared. “Adam!”

“I’m sorry, but he caught me!” Adam defended. “We were at lunch that day you called me and made me un-cancel the tour and it spilled out when I started crying. I promise, he wouldn’t tell anybody,” he said, squeezing his hand. “I forgot all about that text when you called me,” he noted.

Tommy cringed. “As scary as it is to be by myself at night here, I was still dealing okay. I mean, other than being afraid of everything, I was doing alright. But now everybody _knows_ ,” he groaned.

Sutan just shook his head. “I just want to beat that bastard’s head in,” he growled and Tommy looked up, surprised. “Fuck, baby!” he said, leaning over to hug Tommy, who smiled against his shoulder. “My God, why didn’t you tell me? I’d have hunted that fucker down and killed my myself. Fuck prison, he’d be dead,” he said, kissing Tommy’s cheek. “Tranma don’t play with people hurting her babies,” Sutan said and Tommy laughed.

“Love you too,” he said, earning a bright smile. “Thank you for coming to me first, though,” he said and Sutan groaned.

“Oh my God, I was ready to murder somebody. I saw those bruises and was pissed enough to see some asshole hurt a boy that tiny, but then I recognized those tattoos and nearly _died_ , TommyJoe. I nearly lost my shit.”

Tommy groaned. “Fuck, I can only imagine my mom when she finds out the man who hurt me is in jail,” he said softly. “It’ll be all I can do to keep her from breaking _into_ jail just to murder that guy.”

Adam smiled sadly. “I’d help her,” he said, tucking Tommy’s hair behind his ear.

Tommy shook his head, smiling at Adam. “You can’t go to jail, you have to be here with me,” he said, squeezing Adam’s hand. 

Adam grinned. “I’m not going anywhere, Glitterbaby, don’t you worry,” he said, kissing the back of Tommy’s hand. He glanced up and found Sutan eyeing him suspiciously but chose to ignore it.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam watched Tommy’s back as he walked away to go to the bathroom. “God, I’m so worried-“

“Alright, we have to talk,” Sutan interrupted and Adam frowned, looking at him quickly. “What the _fuck_ are you doing?!” Sutan hissed and Adam gave him an offended look.

“Excuse me-“

“Cut the crap, Adam,” Sutan said, narrowing his eyes. “I saw how you look at him and touch him and shit. You _seriously_ made a move on you traumatized best friend?!” he spat, looking livid. 

Adam held up his hands. “Whoooa, slow down, what?!” he demanded. “Sutan, what the fuck-“

“No, what the fuck YOU!” Sutan hissed. “He was _raped_!”

Adam glared. “Yeah, I know, I was the one who spent the night at the hospital with him and I’m the one that was at the police station when he had to strip down and let them take pictures of his body!” he hissed. “Are you stupid?! No I didn’t ‘make a move’ fuck, why would I?! He’s Tommy! _Straight_ Tommy-“

“Oh bullshit,” Sutan spat. “Tommy has wanted you as long as I’ve known him, you just didn’t want him,” he said. “I cannot believe you chose now-“

“I didn’t make a move!” Adam snapped. “Fucks sake, I was on a date last night when he called me! I have sacrificed any semblance of a love life to take care of my best friend when he needs me, but that doesn’t mean I did it to try and get in his pants! Tommy trusts me, Sutan! If we’re extra touchy-feely, it’s his side of it. He’s really clingy because he’s afraid and I’m not going to push him away for that.” He gave Sutan a dark look. “How dare you accuse me of doing that to Tommy? He’s _Tommy_! I’d cut off my own leg before hurting him in any way. You fucking _know_ I would.”

Sutan rolled his eyes. “Fuck, whatever,’ he said, throwing up his hands. He sighed and looked up apologetically. “Look, I’m sorry, Adam. I just-” He shook his head. “Tommy getting raped is the most unexpected thing ever. I’m just so fucked up right now. He’s _Tommy_!” He looked at Adam. “And you are being very much like you are when you’re with a boyfriend, Adam, you can’t deny that,” he pointed out. 

Adam shrugged. “Maybe, but he’s really clingy, too. I’m not going to make him stop when he needs me. I would do the same for anybody.” He froze. “Wait a minute,” he said, looking up at Sutan, who went wide eyed. “What the fuck do you mean Tommy’s wanted me since you’ve known him?!” he demanded.

Sutan cringed. “Nothing, forget I said-“

“What was Sutan saying now?” Tommy asked as he walked in. He flopped down in Adam’s lap, tugging Adam’s arms around him, taking no notice of the awkwardness in the room as he made himself comfortable. “Sutan talking shit?” he teased and Adam just glared at Sutan, who shrugged.

“Nah, nothing much, honey.” Adam kissed Tommy’s head, earning a happy little hum. “You okay?”

Tommy sighed but nodded, leaning back against Adam’s chest. “I’m okay,” he said softly. “Scared. I don’t want people asking me about it but… guess that cat’s out of the bag.”

Adam just shook his head sadly. “I’m so sorry,” he said and Tommy shrugged.

“Not your fault.” He smiled at Sutan. “So, how bad is the internet?” he asked and Sutan cringed.

“Eh, it isn’t pretty,” he admitted and Tommy groaned, slumping down with a pout.

“Well fuck.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Adam couldn’t stop thinking about what Sutan said. Adam had gotten some vibes from Tommy lately, but he figured it was just him being dependent on Adam. The little admission before he fell asleep the night before said something about Tommy maybe having feelings for him, but in the end, he couldn’t believe Tommy would have hidden his sexuality if he _was_ interested in men.

As soon as they were both comfortable, curled up in Tommy’s bed after putting in a movie, Adam nudged him. “TommyJoe, I’ve got a question,” he said and Tommy hummed, turning to look at Adam from his spot on the other side of the bed.

“Yeah?” he asked and Adam took Tommy’s hand off the covers, squeezing it.

Adam looked at him closely. “Last night, what did you mean?” he asked, and Tommy frowned in confusion. Adam sighed. “You told me you weren’t sorry for messing up my date,” he said and Tommy’s eyes widened before he caught himself and looked away. “Oh no you don’t,” Adam said, reaching out to turn Tommy’s face to him, tipping his chin up. “Tommy.”

Tommy sighed, rolling his eyes. “What do you think,” he grumbled, cheeks showing spots of pink.

“I don’t know what to think,” Adam said honestly, looking at Tommy patiently.

Tommy shrugged. “I don’t… want to share you,” he said in a small, shy voice. 

Adam smiled sadly. “You’re always my best friend, you know,” he said and Tommy groaned, sliding down in the bed to pull the overs over his head. 

“I don’t mean like that,” he admitted, voice muffled.

Adam tugged on the covers, only to frown when Tommy held on. “Tommy, really, be a grown up and talk to my face-“

“No! You can’t make me!” Tommy complained. “Adam, don’t make me talk. I don’t want to ruin everything!”

Adam sighed. “TommyJoe, talking never ruined anything in my life, be a big boy for a minute,” he said and Adam took the covers moving as Tommy shaking his head. “Fine, we’ll talk like this,” he said simply. “Why do you not feel sorry for scaring off boys?” he asked, and Tommy tugged the covers down enough to show his eyes, which were narrowed.

“Did it scare him off? I thought I just messed up your date,” he said and Adam rolled his eyes.

“Probably, I bailed on him for the same man I spend half my time hanging all over.” Adam watched Tommy’s eyes and gave him a look when he saw a smile in Tommy’s eyes. “Alright, talk to me TommyJoe,” he said and Tommy sighed, rolling his eyes before tugging the covers down so he could sit up.

“Fine, whatever, I don’t want…” He trailed off and looked down at his lap. “I don’t want you to get a boyfriend,” he said softly. “If you have a boyfriend, I can’t pretend anymore.”

Adam frowned. “Pretend what, honey?” he asked taking Tommy’s hand again. 

Tommy bit his lip as he looked up through his bangs. “That you’re mine.”

Adam sighed. “Sutan said that,” he said and Tommy looked up quickly. “Not for nothing, he said it because he blew up on me when you went to the bathroom. He thought I’d made a move on you in your vulnerable state and he was _pissed_. I pulled the ‘why would I make a move on my straight best friend’ and he actually said ‘Tommy’s wanted you as long as I’ve known him’-“

“Hey, I have not!” Tommy said, huffing. “I have not been harboring a secret crush for _years_!” he said and Adam shot him a look. “Well I haven’t! I didn’t really realize I had feelings for you until your relationship with what’s-his-face fell apart.” He shrugged, sighing as he flopped his head back. “He hurt you and all I could think was that I wouldn’t ever hurt you like that… then I realized what the hell I’d just thought and the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wished I could be with you, because I’d never hurt you like he did,” he said softly. He shrugged. “I’m sorry if that fucks things up between us, but I can’t help how I feel.” He looked down at his lap, shoulders sagging. “Sorry.”

Adam felt his insides twist painfully as he saw how _sad_ Tommy looked. “Do you really think you would lose me- lose _us_ \- just because you have feelings for me? TommyJoe, really-“

Tommy huffed. “Well generally friends don’t really stay the same when one of them falls in love with the other one. Shit gets complicated,” he said, wiggling down to pull the covers over his head again. “Especially when one is already a basketcase after getting raped.”

Adam glared at the lump under the covers. “You are not a fucking basketcase, Tommy,” he said, snatching the covers back. He leaned over and looked down at Tommy. “And what do you mean? Who says I wouldn’t want you back?” he demanded.

Tommy frowned. “Why would anybody want me? I’m a fucking mess,” he said and Adam could only stare as his heart _crashed_. 

“Why would you think that?” Adam asked, throat tightening as he reached out to push Tommy’s hair out of his eyes.

Tommy just gave him a confused look. “Why not? Nobody wants damaged goods.”

Adam let out a pained breath. “Tommy, you are not damaged,” he said, cupping his cheek. “Baby, you are not broken, why would you think that?” He shook his head, swallowing around the lump in his throat. “You’re my TommyJoe. You are a strong, fierce little bitch,” he said and Tommy smiled sadly. “How can you ever think nobody would want you?”

Tommy bit his lip. “I don’t know why anybody would want me like this. Why would somebody want someone who is so clingy and needy?”

“Because you’re bruised, not broken,” Adam said simply. Adam sighed, rolling onto his middle shifting to lay his head on Tommy’s chest. “You’re the same person, you’re just scuffed around the edges some. You’ll be totally fine in the end.”

Tommy bit his lip, lowering his hand to rest on the back of Adam’s head, fingers sliding into his hair tentatively. He looked down and saw blue eyes looking up at him. “Yeah?”

Adam smiled and nodded, cheek rubbing against Tommy’s shirt. “Of course.” He sat up on his elbow and looked at Tommy for a moment before leaning in slowly. Tommy’s breath caught as Adam’s lips brushed his in a gentle, careful kiss, almost as if he was afraid to scare Tommy. “I’m gonna make sure of it,” Adam said simply, pecking Tommy’s lips again before laying back down, resting his head on Tommy’s chest as he curled his arms around the smaller man.

Tommy felt his cheeks heating up, but it didn’t stop a wide smile from spreading across his face as he curled his arms around Adam, hugging him close. “Okay,” he said simply.

It may take a while, but Tommy really believed it. Everything would be okay eventually. Adam would make sure of it.


End file.
